Might as well start with the well-worn symbol of being in cancer treatment: it’s like that proverbial, rickety roller coaster that I remember from trips to the Lagoon amusement park in my youth.
borrowed from Shaan Hurley's Flickr page
Everything is going up and down all the time: my mood, my sense of well-being, my lab numbers. You take a steep plunge, roll back up, then level off and catch your breath, however briefly, before the next steep drop and following lift as you rattle up the tracks. The only difference between this and a real roller coaster is that you never know what’s coming around the next bend.
My December visit with the doc was not easy. The docetaxel was not doing much, so the key numbers were way up (PSA 300-ish from about 150, CTC 25 (yikes) while it was previously in the 5-8 range). My red blood cell count was way down, pain was getting in my way, I was fatigued from anemia, and so on. “In the Bleak Midwinter” was my theme song. That was a rare day when I showed signs of a new side effect, for which I believe the technical term is “crybaby syndrome”. I was just weepy. Damn, damn, damn. Cancer just wasn’t fun any more.
The doc was unusually serious, almost somber, as we talked about pain management and a few possible treatments I could change to in case the new one, Zytiga, didn’t work. Zytiga (aberatone acetate) is similar to my first clinical trial drug, Tokai’s TOK-001 (now christened with a real name, Galeterone), so it’s possible that my cancer cells have already learned how to get around it. Possible. We wouldn’t know until I tried it.
I trudged out of the clinic, moping along to catch the bus, too tired and sad even to stop for my favorite sushi. The plane was an hour late going home, the sandwich I finally ate at the airport was so-so, I just closed my eyes on the plane and tried to sleep.
So, fade to black on that one. This week the scene is brighter. We’re now four weeks into Zytiga, and the numbers are down, and up: PSA 133, CTC 16; red blood count up to nearly normal (from a seriously low count, although I don’t remember the numbers). It was like December never happened. I’m happy, the doc’s happy, I shared homemade cookies with the staff, did my brief TV interview, and skipped out of there a new man.
We’ll keep on with the Zytiga for as long as possible, and there’s yet another new clinical trial that will hopefully be waiting for me when the Zytiga poops out. At least that’s this week’s status. Things do change frequently. There’s always the sudden drop coming around a bend that you don’t anticipate, and your stomach falls while your head is spinning and you don’t know whether to breathe or puke or scream.
For now, I keep telling myself, just hold on and enjoy the ride.
